Everything your Wedding Party Needs to Know when you Ask Them
Being in a wedding party is no small task. It is so exciting and can be so fun to be included in your special day, but there is a lot that goes into it. Make sure when you’re asking your wedding party members to be included that they know exactly what your expectations are for the process and what you need from them. There always is a chance that there are too many costs or places to be that they really can’t do for you. Here is a breakdown of everything you may need to let them know when you ask them:
The Cost
Although you know that you’re spending a lot of money on your wedding, it may be easy to forget what other people are expected to contribute. You need to determine ahead of time what you are willing to cover for your wedding party and what you are asking them to pay for themselves. Things to consider are attire, jewelry, accessories, hair, makeup, shoes, bachelorx parties, wedding showers, the cost of traveling, getting a hotel, any gifts/money they plan on giving you, and many other expenses that may unexpectedly pop up.
The Time
Weddings require a ton of time for you to plan, but it also is a multi-day commitment for your wedding party members as well. Traditionally, your wedding party members may be expected to attend your wedding shower, bachelorx parties, engagement parties, the rehearsal, and the actual wedding day. In some traditions and cultures, the wedding may even be more than one day long. This doesn’t include any additional time to find their attire and get it ordered, planning your bachelorx parties, days you are asking for help with decorations/details, or any other time that may be required.
The Energy
Your wedding day should be fun and exciting for you, but you and your wedding party may not be used to the physical and emotional toll wedding planning and the wedding day events take. You and your future spouse are going to be the most excited person about your wedding, but you should try to have conversations with your wedding party members about if they are up to helping you celebrate on your day. They will most likely be excited, but they may not “show it” in the way that you’re hoping. They probably won’t talk about it as much as you expect and that could be perceived as not being excited. Sometimes, wedding party members are required for over 12 hours if you’re doing hair and makeup with them bright and early. Some weddings may even last more than one day. Additionally, there’s a current trend of a multi-day bachelorx parties that require a lot of planning and energy on their end that they may not be used to or able to do. Make sure you communicate with them on what they are able to handle and want to handle for your wedding day and other wedding related events.
Make sure that you explain these things with your personal expectations when you are asking them to be in your wedding party. Even if your expectations limited and your are laid back, it’s still good for them to know what they are getting into! You should probably let them know that they don’t have to agree to stand by your side. It’s not a super fun and frilly conversation to have, but it is very important that they know what they are getting into. I wish that I had this conversation myself when I was getting married so I hope you do it too.
Many wedding party members feel pressure to say yes to be there for you on that day. It’s important to have a real talk with each person you plan on asking so that your relationships aren’t tainted from misunderstandings or mismatched expectations of your wedding day. Sometimes, it may be easier on both of you if they attend as a guest instead. Your family and friends can always still attend your wedding as a guest or in a different place of honor! It doesn’t mean that they are kicked out of your wedding entirely. If this sounds like a better option for certain people in your life, you can always have them read something at your ceremony or have them wear a special color of honor.
If you would like more help to plan your wedding, you can reach out to me at hello@firmlyrootedevents.com. I will get you started on my email list for monthly tips and my checklist so that you can stay on track while planning your wedding.
