Getting your guest list together for your wedding can be an incredibly daunting task. You may be battling your family members on inviting distant cousins you’ve never met, or you may start realizing the true cost to having each person at your wedding. When trying to narrow down a list of all of the most important people, it really can feel ruthless to cut people. However, it’s really important for your day to run exactly as you want it to by making sure the people there really are there to celebrate with you. Here are some things you need to consider while working on your guest list, and here are some tips to help you figure out who you should invite.

First: Write the List

Add every person you can think of that you would want at your wedding when you’re first making the list. You’ll likely end up cutting from this list, but you’ll want to see the maximum involved on your wedding day. This also includes children and plus ones for any of the people that this would apply for.

Then: Know the Cost

It can cost about $130+ per person for your wedding day - between the space, food, drinks, chairs, tables, centerpieces, and other rentals that are involved with inviting them. There are many factors that go into trying to break down the cost of each individual person at your wedding and it may vary quite a bit, but it’s important to know that every aspect of your wedding will cost more when you have more guests attending.

Lastly: Ask Yourself these Questions:

Is anyone helping you pay for your wedding that wants to invite certain guests?

If you have parents helping pay for your wedding, they will feel like they have a say in how your wedding day should look. This may also include adding people to your guest list. Make sure to have a conversation with them about what your plans and hopes are and see how many people they want to invite that you weren’t planning on. If they are requesting way more people than you’re hoping, make sure to mention to them the costs and changes that must be made and paid associated with having the larger guest counts too.

Would you take this person out to an $100+ dinner?

Since you know the cost of each person, now you can decide if you truly would be happy to buy each of these people a meal. The circumstances of buying your family members a meal may not entirely apply, but consider your friends, coworkers, and other people for this section. If you wouldn’t want to sit down with them and pay for their dinner, you likely don’t need to invite them to your wedding.

Would I be upset if this person didn’t come if they couldn’t have a plus one/bring their kids?

Generally, if you can afford for your single, solo guests to have a plus one, they will enjoy your wedding a lot more since they won’t be alone. Some guests may even decline your invite if you don’t provide a plus one. If you really want that guest to come, you’ll likely need to consider giving them a plus one. Along the same line, if you’re not inviting children to your wedding, there may be some parents that can’t get childcare or don’t want to leave their kids for your wedding and will decline coming. If you don’t provide/pay for their childcare, they can’t find any, and don’t allow their children to come, you may lose some of these guests as well.

Have you talked with this person in the last year?

Many reservations that are connected with inviting wedding guests is with “they invited me to their wedding but it was 2 years ago and we haven’t talked since”. Even though you were invited to their wedding, this doesn’t necessarily mean you need to invite them to yours! Generally, if you haven’t talked to them in over a year, it is likely going to remain that way unless you both really wanted to try talking again. If you did eventually end up inviting them to your wedding even though you don’t talk, it’s likely that you will remain distant after your wedding as well. You should only have people that you would like to remain in your life at this celebratory event of you and your future spouses’ love for each other!

Do you actually enjoy their company?

If you can help it, you really shouldn’t invite people that you don’t like being around. If you have any friends that aren’t actually that nice to you, or some distant family that drives you insane any time you’re around them, it’s probably not worth having them attend your wedding. These people can also cause drama or stress that you really shouldn’t have to deal with, so it makes it a lot easier to manage if you don’t actually have to see or be around them on your wedding day. If there are also any family or friends that aren’t actually happy for you and your upcoming marriage, it isn’t important to have them there on your wedding day. The whole purpose of the wedding is for you and your love, and having people there that aren’t happy for you really doesn’t seem worth your money or energy!

Will it stir up more trouble to not invite them?

Even while the above question probably brings up a lot of names of close family that you can cross off of your list, remember that some of these people that you DON’T invite will still remain in your lives whether you like them or not. For whatever reason, you may still have to be around these people, and maybe you will get a lot of backlash or constant badgering about not inviting them to your wedding day. Honestly, you can avoid certain guests and situations relatively easily on your wedding day, so it may be worth inviting these people to keep the peace. This totally depends on what toxic traits they bring and what is important for your mental and physical health. If your mom is going to come to you and cry every day about the grandma you’re not inviting, it may just be worth inviting them so you don’t have to deal with that and the aftermath of your wedding day as well. If these things don’t bother you though, feel free to cut those people off of your guest list - it’s only if you’ve weighed the consequences and know the potential outcomes and are okay with them.

By this point, you’ll have likely cut a few people from your list that don’t fit these qualifications. I don’t think you should feel badly about it either! If they truly haven’t been involved in your life in the last year, you shouldn’t feel obligated to invite them to your wedding day. The wedding day is meant for you and your future spouse to enjoy yourselves as a married couple and for your friends and family to help celebrate with you. If you feel that these people won’t be happy for you, don’t feel obligated to pay for their stay at your wedding day.

If you need some more planning help, reach out to me here and we can talk further about the details of your wedding day.